im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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