i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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