Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
