theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
