Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
