i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
