Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
