So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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