oh god the rape fog is back!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
