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It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
