your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize