Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
COCAINE IS GR8
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
