This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
