When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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