I must be too annoying 4 u.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
