I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
