I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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