i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
