Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
