mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
