Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
