She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
