3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
