I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
