That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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