Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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