Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
