Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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