Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
