I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
