hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
