rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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