You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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