Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
