could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
