It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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