Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All the doctor said was why
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
