True but thats because hes a fetus.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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