I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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