The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
