I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
