the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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