Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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