Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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