Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
