A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
