My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
