CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
