Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
