Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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