She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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