She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
