i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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