so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
