just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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